Douchebags and Snotty Pricks make The Internet Go Round and Round...
Pretty silly, but I guess it's time to make A Big Statement -
What kicked this off was a comment on a review of CLOVERFIELD on Stacie Ponder's wonderful horror blog (that you should be reading) FINAL GIRL. If you've been following me for awhile, or at least checking the archives like, HERE, HERE, and of course, HERE, it's pretty evident that I don't think much of the movie enterprises connected with J.J. Abrams -- going as far as calling it 'cinema for douchebags'.
Not that it matters in the long run - everyone appears to love this stuff, much like a kitten batting a dangling toy and following a light when you shine it deep into its eyes - I REALLY, REALLY don't; going as far as to claim my remarks by name, rather than under the popular pseudonym, "Anonymous".
It doesn't win you popularity - and a couple of Stacie's readers took my 'douchebag' remarks to heart, labelling me a 'snotty prick'.
Touche.
My assumption on readers of this blog, however many or few that may be - is (1) that you have a working brain and (2) you may have an opinion. At least that's how I'm couching the writing.
If you don't agree with something I've said, you can write to me about it, or you can just not read it anymore, if it's that offensive. I don't go out of my way to BE offensive for shock value, but if I strongly feel about something, I'm gonna say it and we deal with the aftermath.
With the dumbing down of society and the lack of any sort of asethetic value or conditions, "Snotty Prick" is becoming more and more of a badge of honor.
ADDENDUM
well, it appears that I have been thoroughly schooled by the two who objected to my remarks - so I won't have to worry about offending those assholes ever again. ;p
Nothing like writing off people WHOM YOU'VE NEVER MET AND WHO YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW - no Christmas cards for them this year...
Showing posts with label J.J. Abrams. Show all posts
Showing posts with label J.J. Abrams. Show all posts
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
Douchebag Cinema
An epiphany in the midst of all this STAR TREK hate I have and lemmings insisting it's the greatest thing since Jesus did the Sermon on the Mount...
actually, it's more related to the popularity of the work of J.J. Abrams, whose work I've been less and less enamored with as it grows to public popularity. I think the key to that popularity is down to one word: DOUCHEBAG.
Follow closely...
Abram's first major work is the screenplay for TAKING CARE OF BUSINESS, an alleged comedy with Jim Belushi as a douchebag who steals the Filofax of another douchebag played by Charles Grodin, and assumes his identity. Hijinks abound.
His next script is for a Mike Nichols film starring Harrison Ford (!) called REGARDING HENRY. The story of a major douchebag who gets shot in the head and learns not to be a douchebag anymore -- it sucked. Badly.
FOREVER YOUNG - Mel Gibson as a douchebag who participates in an experiment and is frozen until he's unfrozen by a couple of kids; GONE FISHIN', another alleged comedy with Joe Pesci and Danny Glover (hot off the LETHAL WEAPON films) as two douchebag friends from the city who take a fishing trip.
This culminates into being co-writer for ARMAGEDDON, where the entire world is saved by douchebag Bruce Willis and his douchebag crew of roughnecks.
Then Abrams jumps to television. He creates FELICITY, about a female douchebag who gradually learns she's not entitled to anything, with a whole bevy of douchebag friends; and ALIAS, a riff off of the spy craze of the 60's where master spy Jennifer Garner learns that instead of being a U.S. spy, she's a spy for a douchebag agency, and she learns that her family, friends and co-workers are douchebags fighting other douchebags - that fucks with her head! Monster success for both shows, which leads to his touch with LOST, a show full of douchebags attempting to find out... well, who knows what. With LOST, not only are the characters all douchebags, the show itself does douchy things to its audience, who of course, just LOVE it.
Abrams works with master douchebag Tom Cruise on MISSION IMPOSSIBLE 3 and not even the presence of Philip Seymour Hoffman can overcome the douchiness; the new show FRINGE is basically X-FILES with douchebags... and now Abrams brings the douchy touch to STAR TREK, where almost everyone is a douchebag - even Old Spock.
In the midst of all this douchiness, WHY does it work is the question? Why is it so popular?
Because the audience is mainly douchebags. Sad to say.
An epiphany in the midst of all this STAR TREK hate I have and lemmings insisting it's the greatest thing since Jesus did the Sermon on the Mount...
actually, it's more related to the popularity of the work of J.J. Abrams, whose work I've been less and less enamored with as it grows to public popularity. I think the key to that popularity is down to one word: DOUCHEBAG.
Follow closely...
Abram's first major work is the screenplay for TAKING CARE OF BUSINESS, an alleged comedy with Jim Belushi as a douchebag who steals the Filofax of another douchebag played by Charles Grodin, and assumes his identity. Hijinks abound.
His next script is for a Mike Nichols film starring Harrison Ford (!) called REGARDING HENRY. The story of a major douchebag who gets shot in the head and learns not to be a douchebag anymore -- it sucked. Badly.
FOREVER YOUNG - Mel Gibson as a douchebag who participates in an experiment and is frozen until he's unfrozen by a couple of kids; GONE FISHIN', another alleged comedy with Joe Pesci and Danny Glover (hot off the LETHAL WEAPON films) as two douchebag friends from the city who take a fishing trip.
This culminates into being co-writer for ARMAGEDDON, where the entire world is saved by douchebag Bruce Willis and his douchebag crew of roughnecks.
Then Abrams jumps to television. He creates FELICITY, about a female douchebag who gradually learns she's not entitled to anything, with a whole bevy of douchebag friends; and ALIAS, a riff off of the spy craze of the 60's where master spy Jennifer Garner learns that instead of being a U.S. spy, she's a spy for a douchebag agency, and she learns that her family, friends and co-workers are douchebags fighting other douchebags - that fucks with her head! Monster success for both shows, which leads to his touch with LOST, a show full of douchebags attempting to find out... well, who knows what. With LOST, not only are the characters all douchebags, the show itself does douchy things to its audience, who of course, just LOVE it.
Abrams works with master douchebag Tom Cruise on MISSION IMPOSSIBLE 3 and not even the presence of Philip Seymour Hoffman can overcome the douchiness; the new show FRINGE is basically X-FILES with douchebags... and now Abrams brings the douchy touch to STAR TREK, where almost everyone is a douchebag - even Old Spock.
In the midst of all this douchiness, WHY does it work is the question? Why is it so popular?
Because the audience is mainly douchebags. Sad to say.
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
Random Thoughts after watching "CLOVERFIELD"
The movie was OK - I liked it more when it was called MIRACLE MILE... and it certainly ain't no HOST.
I fully understand why people are giving this high praise, much like BLAIR WITCH when it was first released... on its own terms, it's a pretty decent flick with some good scares and lots of frenetic camera shakiness that we all accept as a totem of 'realness'. It's a thrill-ride movie, and it makes for a good matinee or date movie when you and your date want to jump out of your seat.
But I'm not jumping on the Abrams bandwagon. I'm not going to harp on little things - the big thing for me is that I just really didn't give one damn about anyone in the movie... not that character is a BIG concern in a monster thrill ride, but it certainly helps (see the two films that I referenced in the first sentence of this post). It's a clever movie - the conceit of GODZILLA, or whatever giant-monster-on-the-rampage visualized from the viewpoint of a person at Ground Zero is a fun conceit, and THAT is what is garnering all the good praise, as well it should - it's a brilliant idea, after all.
But clever only goes so far, though it seems that Abrams and Co. have been coasting on it for years (see ALIAS, LOST, FELICITY); and it makes me very nervous at what the STAR TREK 3.0 reboot is gonna be like.
I would have thought that CLOVERFIELD would have been The Awesomest Shit if (1) it had been 20 minutes long -- the setup wears out its welcome after 10 minutes -- and (2) if the filmmakers had licensed the trademark Godzilla scream and NEVER shown the monster onscreen. You'd only hear it - though that might have been too much of a conceit to go over successfully with audiences. And Toho Studios probably would have wanted too much money.
Oh, and the shrimp/bug like things that make you explode after they bite you - overkill. Keep it simple, guys -- Big Fucking Monster Stomping Shit was plenty.
How big is this thing supposed to be? It's big enough to knock the head off of the Statue of Liberty, stomp tanks flat and knock over buildings, but the one good glimpse that we see of it (before eating a character who I was praying would either get crushed by falling debris or shot), it doesn't seem to be quite that large to do those things...
Now we'll just have to prepare for all the CLOVERFIELD knock-offs and YouTube spoofs that show up through the rest of the year.
The movie was OK - I liked it more when it was called MIRACLE MILE... and it certainly ain't no HOST.
I fully understand why people are giving this high praise, much like BLAIR WITCH when it was first released... on its own terms, it's a pretty decent flick with some good scares and lots of frenetic camera shakiness that we all accept as a totem of 'realness'. It's a thrill-ride movie, and it makes for a good matinee or date movie when you and your date want to jump out of your seat.
But I'm not jumping on the Abrams bandwagon. I'm not going to harp on little things - the big thing for me is that I just really didn't give one damn about anyone in the movie... not that character is a BIG concern in a monster thrill ride, but it certainly helps (see the two films that I referenced in the first sentence of this post). It's a clever movie - the conceit of GODZILLA, or whatever giant-monster-on-the-rampage visualized from the viewpoint of a person at Ground Zero is a fun conceit, and THAT is what is garnering all the good praise, as well it should - it's a brilliant idea, after all.
But clever only goes so far, though it seems that Abrams and Co. have been coasting on it for years (see ALIAS, LOST, FELICITY); and it makes me very nervous at what the STAR TREK 3.0 reboot is gonna be like.
I would have thought that CLOVERFIELD would have been The Awesomest Shit if (1) it had been 20 minutes long -- the setup wears out its welcome after 10 minutes -- and (2) if the filmmakers had licensed the trademark Godzilla scream and NEVER shown the monster onscreen. You'd only hear it - though that might have been too much of a conceit to go over successfully with audiences. And Toho Studios probably would have wanted too much money.
Oh, and the shrimp/bug like things that make you explode after they bite you - overkill. Keep it simple, guys -- Big Fucking Monster Stomping Shit was plenty.
How big is this thing supposed to be? It's big enough to knock the head off of the Statue of Liberty, stomp tanks flat and knock over buildings, but the one good glimpse that we see of it (before eating a character who I was praying would either get crushed by falling debris or shot), it doesn't seem to be quite that large to do those things...
Now we'll just have to prepare for all the CLOVERFIELD knock-offs and YouTube spoofs that show up through the rest of the year.
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